Excerpt a from my book, ”The Promise” February 27, 1971 I want everything to be perfect today. My friends are all around me fussing like fairy …
49 Years Ago
49 Years Ago
Month: February 2020
49 Years Ago
Excerpt a from my book, ”The Promise”
February 27, 1971
I want everything to be perfect today. My friends are all around me fussing like fairy godmothers, wanting to make me and my simple wedding into something magical. But no one seems to know what to do with me, and all I want is to be alone so I can fuss over myself.
I make a clean getaway by telling them I need to use the bathroom. As I sit on the edge of the tub, looking around, I wonder how this ugly bathroom ever became the little oasis it has been for me.
Standing in front of the mirror, I push my hair back so I can get a good look at my face. Pausing for a moment, I meet my own eyes in the mirror. God, I know You’re somewhere inside there. You’ve always been with me, and if I hadn’t felt you there all these years, I would have never been able to hang onto your promise. Here we are. Today’s the day I marry the man of my dreams. I know I have a lot of hard roads ahead of me, but at least I’ll have Tommy walking beside me, and You will always be at the center of our love like the glue that binds us together. How can I go wrong with two strong forces in my life like You, God, and Tommy?
When I come out, my friends are waiting. They like what I did with my hair, but still, have to touch tuck, and spray, so every piece of hair is in place. Another friend holds my unzipped dress so I can step into it. My maid of honor, Mary Faith,
puts the mantilla on top of my hair, pinning it in place. I look at the friend who’s been there for me through the worst of times. It’s been five years. She never judged, was always honest, upfront, and sincerely cared, but most of all, she never gave up on me. If it hadn’t been for her telling me that Tommy was the best thing that ever happened to me, I wouldn’t be standing here in front of her right now. I think she knows from here on out I’m in good hands. Maybe she’s relieved in a way that she won’t have to pick up the pieces of my life for me anymore. “It’s getting late,” she says to me, “it’s time to go.” She’s not a touchy-feely kind of person, so when she smiles at me, and I smile back at her, we know the fondness we feel in our hearts for each other. No matter where life takes us, the memories of these teenage years, we share will always be with us.
“We have about ten minutes to get there,” Dad says, looking at his watch. “Thank goodness it’s only around the corner,” I say to Mary Faith as we dash toward the car.
“Connie,” I hear Sue’s voice in the back of us. “Look here.” I turn and smile when I see her snapping a picture. I feel like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, turning to say, “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date.
Father Lawrence pauses for a moment as we sit for his sermon.
“All these readings are about Love. Of course, it is appropriate to talk about as we join these two in holy matrimony. But I have to say in the short time ‘I’ve had a chance to get to know Tom and Connie. There is an understanding of love between them that goes beyond their years. What struck me the most in our conversations was their understanding of unconditional love. There is a pureness to the word where one loves with their whole heart, their whole soul, and their whole mind. There is no condition for how I feel about you; there is nothing you need to do to make me love you. I love you for who you are. I give it freely. But when two people come together in holy matrimony, they become one. Entering into a bond of commitment that comes with the promise of expectant love. Now we are no longer looking from our point of view, but from the view of the one, we love. Will you love me in sickness as well as health, and through the years of growth and change, even when I am old and gray. These are the conditions of marriage, and yet in your commitment, you still offer to love each other no matter what. It is as simple and yet complicated as following the Way, the Truth, and the Light. There is no expectancy in love because all we can do in love is give and receive. So, those who go into a marriage with the idea that ‘it’s a 50-50 proposition will only find themselves fighting over who did what the last time of equal value. If you must put a number on it, then give 80% by doing the best you can and let the 20% fall where it may. True Love gives without condition because that’s what it’s designed to do. The only condition that God asks of us is to love one another as he has loved each one of us. To do onto your brother as you would want to have done onto you. I know it sounds so simple. In truth, it is until we let our pride get in the way. Marriage is not about your way or my way. It’s about finding common ground that brings two people together as one. It’s only the beginning of your love story, Tom and Connie. There will be many ups and downs yet to come; it’s all a part of growing into a deeper love for one another. I pray that you always see the blessing of God’s promise that has brought you here today and that you will create many happy memories of lasting love in the years to come.” Tommy and I look at each, smiling because Father Lawrence found a way to fit the promise God made to me into his words today. He did it in the form of showing us that that promise will carry through into our new life together now. It all feels so unreal to me. Too good to be true. The kind of thing I would dream about to escape from the bad that was happening in my life. I don’t want anyone to pinch me for fear I’ll wake up and find out that none of this is real. Standing before us, Father Lawrence says, “Since you intend to enter into marriage, join your right hands and declare your consent before God and one another.” Tommy and I turn toward each other. We join our right hands and then our left as well. I look up at him, and he smiles down at me. Everything around us disappears, including Father Lawrence. We hear his words but only see each other standing face to face surrounded by light.
Tommy leans over to me and whispers, “Did I tell you how beautiful you are yet today?”
“All I know, Tommy, is that you’ve made me the happiest girl in the world. Thank you for loving me the way you do.”
”Bearing An Untold Story”
”There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you!” -Maya Angelou
One of the questions I get about my story, ”The Promise,” is, why did you write it?
Sometimes the agony of holding something within ourselves becomes more painful than letting it out. You know how a child often comes around pulling at their mother’s apron strings mom, mom, mom, mom! Trying to get her attention. That’s what the child inside me kept doing for years. Each time I’d begin to write what she’d show me, it seemed as if I was writing about someone else until it finally penetrated my inner core. I had learned to protect myself from what I let inside me, but I couldn’t protect myself from what already existed within. I realized as I began to write that putting it all together was something that I needed to do for me because I often wondered if it was as bad as it seemed. It was! And as painful as it was to relive, it was also healing as I faced all the fears, hurt, and anger it created in me.
Releasing the agony of the story allowed me to forgive. It freed me from being a victim of my circumstances, and in that freedom, I choose to overcome rather than fall prey to the lifestyle of dysfunction, it tried to pull me into.
My hope for putting it out there for all to read is that in releasing the agony of my own sad story, maybe someone else will find the courage to face and tell their own.
Shall We Not Assume Our Post?
“The fact that I am here certainly shows me that the soul had need of an organ here. Shall I not assume the post?” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
For those of you who read my story “The Promise,” you could hear in my voice how flawed I thought I was. As a matter of fact so much so that I thought I’d falling from the heavens before God finished making me. That had to be why I was so unloveable.
Even with all the love Tom gave me, it wasn’t until I could see my own worth that I could fully accept Tom’s love. I had to see that God didn’t make a mistake with me. He made me instead very unique, like no other. So, what I compared myself to was a waste of time. Getting to know who I am has become my focus and is a lifetime job that grows as I become the soul I was created to be, my true-self. It is within this knowing that I’m able to assume my very own “post” in life, as Ralph Waldo Emerson refers to.
Is there anything more wonderful than knowing that you, as a human being, are called forth to serve a purpose all your own? And that in the post you assume as soul and body, you find your unique purpose in life.
Occupational Hazard of Writing
I learned to type in high school as I majored in business. I practiced at home on a old Manuel typewriter. The typewriter in the picture above to be exact. Of course we moved onto electric typewriters and later computers but the constant strain after years does a number on the joints in the hands and wrist. I finished my book and when I began to relax all my aches and pains have began to set in. Actually it’s more then that I have carpel tunnel so bad I need surgery on both my wrist.
What will I do without the ability to write or type? I can still talk so I guess I’ll learn how to use Seri more and maybe plug into my computer with one of those voice prompts.
Speaking of voices I keep hearing the one inside me? You know that voice that knows what’s best for us. It’s telling me it’s time to rest. Enjoy my accomplishments . Clear your head and get ready for what you are called to next!
Keep me in your thoughts & prayers that I listen 👂.
Celebrating my Lifetime Achievement with Family
This is my wonderfully family and a few
friends celebrating my first book!
It was my first book signing as a few people like Stephanie stopped by to have their books autographed. One women name Sandi asked if she could buy a book and sighed a copy for her as well.
The funny thing was
that I often thought of myself as a wanderlust.
It’s a perfect description
of someone like me
who has been not so much to many places,
but rather
in many situations
as my story
”The Promise”
Reveals.
Thank you Ginny, Darrell, Tommy, Stacy, Shannon, Todd, Teri and Tom for making my celebration so special. It was especially fun hearing your thoughts on the book and what it meant to you. Not even my words can express how much you each mean to me.❤️
connierife.com 